The world was nothing but ozone-scented dimness at this ungodly hour of the morning, and Clark went about his chores with quiet determination. He'd been awakened by nightmares, again, and the rain had let up long enough for him to maybe get some chores done. He'd jumped at the chance to really accomplish something for the first time in days; he didn't want to disappoint his dad with shoddy work ethics. He'd disappointed his parents in enough things lately.

It was chilly out, and he wore a long-sleeved t-shirt under his usual thick flannel, with jeans, boots and uncombed hair completing his predawn farm chic. Clark didn't really feel the cold per se, but he was aware of it as a change in environment. His habitual layers held his body heat in and made him feel at least the minor comfort of knowing he was protected from the elements, if not himself.

This melancholy was becoming habitual now, the grey weather only underlining his blue mood. The plants around him were dotted with moisture, ground dark and heavy with it, and the sky loomed threateningly, dark promises for the future. He managed to get everything put away and was just thinking about finding some make-work when the first fat drops began to fall.

He retreated to the shelter of his loft, unwilling to face the quiet sadness that had cloaked his parents' faces when he'd come out to them last night. That's right, ma and pa; you've managed to raise a big gay alien boy. He snorted at the thought, and wrapped his arms around himself; suddenly the layers of cotton and flannel weren't enough to protect him from the chill.

The hardest part had been telling them that it wasn't a new thing. That he'd know all along, pretty much since he was a kid, and his Lana fixation had really been one last-ditch attempt at some semblance of heterosexuality. She was so pretty and perfect, everything he'd ever been told he should want, at least from afar. When he'd started to get close, though, her flaws had been so painfully obvious that the lack of a penis was actually pretty low on the list of reasons why he'd given up.

Clark's first real crush had been on Whitney, actually. Handsome, blonde, everything a high school boy is supposed to be. Captain of the football team, dating the head cheerleader, Smallville's Golden Boy. Rough hands on Clark's body as he was held and stripped and tied and only that polished meteor -- and the last few years of practice surviving gym class and naked group showers -- had kept his cock from showing its appreciation for the effort.

Ironic, that Whitney had strung him up there for poaching on Lana when really it was Whitney himself that Clark had been aching for. And then soft hands had released him, soft words and such ethereal beauty. His fixation had transferred itself directly to Lex right then and there, so warm and alive in the night. Clark remembered the way Lex had been at the riverbank, so cold and dead that at the time hadn't even considered the impact of those lips against his as he'd been trying to remember his minimal first aid training.

Of course, now that memory haunted his nights. Cold lips, warm hands and sticky sheets were pretty much par for the course these days, and his mom had raised her eyebrow at him when he'd started doing laundry every day, but thankfully declined to comment. Clark felt himself starting to grow hard at the memory, unwrapped his arms from his body long enough to adjust himself, then leaned back against the window frame and let his mind roam.

Clark was pretty sure Lex returned the interest, but he also got the impression that his friend was a little too conscious of Kansas sodomy laws, and their 5-year age difference, to lay a finger on him. Those fingers, though, long and soft and warm on his cold, bare skin... Clark drew his wandering mind back.

The problem was, he wasn't sure he could actually do anything anyway. He wasn't going to come with the force of a speeding bullet or anything, he'd figured that out the first time he woke up with sticky sheets and no hole in the ceiling, but he did tend to clench his fists up around whatever was handy when he got too excited. After he'd completely destroyed the few small objects he'd practiced with, he'd started having nightmares of brains splattering across the walls when he convulsed hands that had been cupped around a certain smooth bald head.

In fact, that was what had woken him up today, to the silence of morning heralding the welcome cessation of rainfall. He clenched a fist at his side, gripping the windowsill with the other, wondering how he could ever manage to hold a lover in his arms, knowing that he could hurt or kill them in a careless moment. That he could crush that fragile skull like an egg, fingers sinking through the pearly skin even as the coral-pink mouth brought him to release.

He could imagine that mouth on him, softer and hotter than the fingers, wetter and just so much *more* than his own hand. He felt his fingers starting to sink into the wood beneath him, cock growing achingly hard at the image despite the edges of blood and fear that surrounded it.

Soft, familiar footfalls behind him broke his reverie, and Clark turned to see the head in question coming towards him with the rest of Lex.

"Awfully early, aren't you?" Clark asked, trying to somehow smoothly de-emphasize the bulge in his jeans with only moderate success.

"I could say the same to you. I came by to see if you wanted to have breakfast with me in town and offer you a ride to school, since I'm up at this godawful hour. I just got back from Metropolis a little while ago."

"Meetings go badly?"

"Meetings with my father always do, Clark."

"I... I know what you mean. I'd love to avoid the whole family-breakfast thing today, actually. Give me fifteen to shower and change?"

"You got it. I'll just hide out here, if you don't mind."

"I don't blame you. It's guaranteed to not be pretty."

"Ah." He glanced at his watch. "You'd better get going if we're going to have time to eat and get you to first period.

Clark ducked out of the loft, grateful that Lex hadn't pursued the matter, despite the questions in his eyes. Clark showered and changed and suffered through the horrible goodbyes, finally managing to get out the door, out of the driveway and just... out.

* * *

The small diner was a little crowded, but they managed to find a booth in the corner. Neither of them was looking particularly cheerful, so the waitress just took their orders and left them alone, although she gave Lex a look that could be easily interpreted. She obviously didn't approve of a grown man taking a teenage boy out to breakfast.

Fortunately for them both, his friendship with Lex was well-known enough it shouldn't cause too much comment. Clark wasn't really worried -- his parents knew where he was, even if they hadn't liked it much. They'd tried to protest, but Clark had been adamant. He'd insisted they all needed some time to think, and Lex was his best friend. His mother's expression when he'd blurted that out had said volumes; they weren't too sure Lex could be trusted with their boy and his old secrets, let alone the newest one.

Clark wasn't about to tell them that Lex was a part of the secret. He realized that he was fast approaching the time when he'd end up keeping things from his parents, when he started dating and kissing and... He dragged his mind away from that train of thought and looked up to find Lex regarding him with gentle concern.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong, Clark? I'm always glad to give you an escape, but you usually don't need one." Lex reached a hand out, laid it over Clark's comfortingly.

"I..." Clark glanced around, relieved to see that for once, no one was paying them any attention. He forced himself to look Lex in the eye. "I came out to my parents last night, Lex. I'm gay."

Clark was pretty sure he'd be freaking out later that he'd come out to Lex Luthor in a diner, but right now he was just... tired. And lonely. And he really wanted his best friend to understand. Needed to share at least one of the secrets that haunted his dreams.

Lex blinked. He sat back, and blinked again, emotions flitting across his face like a slightly slowed down film, each frame just visible from the others but none of them clear enough to see; only the motion was really discernable, the flow from shock through something like guilt and out the other side to understanding and kindness.

"Wow. Well, of all the things I expected you to say to me this morning, that wasn't it. Are..." He stopped, appeared to think. "What about Lana?"

Clark blushed, looking down where his hands were clutching the white napkin, twisting and shredding it into confetti. "She was... she was a mistake. I thought that if I concentrated everything on her, on how perfect she was, I'd manage to convince myself that I really wanted to... Well, it didn't work. God, I don't really even like her that much, she's so..."

Lex snorted softly. "Yeah, well. It's not polite to point out to your best friend that his taste in women leaves something to be desired."

Clark looked up, surprise allowing a smile to break through the cloudy expression for a moment. "You don't like her? But you were always..."

"I wanted you to get what *you* wanted, Clark. Even if I didn't agree with you about the specifics, it really isn't my place to say. Especially when it comes to women. I've always had much better taste in men." Lex let it slip out, and it lay there between them for a heartbeat before Clark could gather his thoughts enough to acknowledge it.

"You... you like men?" He released the napkin, laying his hands flat on the table, and tried to breathe through a chest gone suddenly tight. Lex liked men! Lex liked men. Lex liked...

"I like both, Clark. I'm bi, although I'm not exactly out here in Smallville." His face darkened, eyes going grey and unreadable. "My father doesn't approve, of course, but he uses it to his advantage. I..." Lex shook his head sharply.

"You what?"

"Now is neither the time nor the place, Clark." Lex glanced around them meaningfully, gesturing for the waitress to bring him more coffee.

"Um. Yeah, I guess not." Clark blushed and looked down sheepishly, napkin once again undergoing unspeakable torment.

"Clark, look at me." Warm fingers under his chin, and his head was gently tilted up, eyes meeting Lex's intent blue-grey gaze. "I'm glad you told me. Honored, in fact, that you trust me this much. And I want you to know you can come to me, talk to me about any of this, anytime. It's just... " He sat back, looking down, hands clenched tensely on the table. "I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, and... I'll tell you if you really want to know, but I want to do it when you don't have to rush off to school in twenty minutes."

Clark's cheeks flamed brighter, heat pooling in his belly, tingling in his thighs. That single point of contact had sparked the desire he'd managed to avoid after his quick jerk-off in the shower. "Lex, I... You're right. Of course you're right, but... I just needed to tell you. To tell someone. It's not like Pete, or even Chloe... I knew you'd understand."

Lex laid both his hands over Clark's and met his eyes again. "I do understand, Clark. I've been through this, or something like it, and I... I'll do anything I can to help make this easier for you." He got a thoughtful look, and pulled out a little electronic organizer just as the waitress came with their plates. Lex made a few taps with the stylus, then asked, "Did you want to come over for dinner tonight? It would have to be at seven, but I'm free all night after that. If you want to talk."

Clark couldn't believe how well Lex was taking this. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, Lex, because I've got a million questions." He grinned evilly for a moment, then softened it to a sincere smile, "I'd love to, Lex. I'll make sure my Mom'll ok it."

Lex smiled, spearing a bit of melon on his fork. "I don't mind, Clark. I want to be here for you."

Clark managed to find his appetite, and dug into his food, still smiling. He hadn't really paid that much attention when he'd ordered, choosing the first combination on the menu, but he was glad of the substantial country breakfast now. He'd need the energy for the kind of day he was expecting to have.

He knew he couldn't hide his mood from Chloe, and even though Lex had done a lot already to lighten it... Well, just knowing that his secret was out there, in the air, floating around... He knew he'd be dwelling. Gym class was gonna be hell. He snorted derisively and giggled a little. He might just have to break his perfect attendance record and fake a stomach ache or something

"You gonna share, Clark? I could use a laugh." Lex had eaten about half of his fruit, delicately spearing it one chunk at a time, nibbling thoughtfully at the corners before savoring each bite. It made Clark wish he'd gotten some.

He pulled his attention away to answer Lex. "I was just thinking, I might have to fake sick today for gym class. I'm not sure I can handle 30 naked men in the showers right now."

Lex grinned. It was a friendly, knowing grin; he was sharing in the joke. "I'm sure you'll manage. Just close your eyes and think of Lana."

Clark laughed at that, a full body-laugh that was part joy and part hysterical release of tension. Lex was ok with this, enough to joke about it. Clark began to think that maybe everything was going to be all right after all. When he finally looked up, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes, Lex was looking at him with an unreadable smile; not his normal cynical smirk, but something more thoughtful, more open. More real.

"Thanks, I needed that. I... I'm really glad you came by today, Lex."

Lex smiled. "Yeah, me too. I was actually expecting to be chased off by your father, but I decided to go with the whim that led me to your doorstep anyway." There was that smirk, one corner of his mouth quirking up cynically.

"Well, a rich boy is supposed to follow his whims, right?" Clark was grinning now, he couldn't seem to stop.

Lex snorted. "Now, Clark, whatever would your parents say? You know, it's that attitude that got me sent out here in the first place."

"Well, then obviously it's the wrong one to have, since being out here has gotten you knocked unconscious about once a week since you arrived."

Lex rubbed his skull ruefully, "I don't think it's quite that often, but yes, my father keeps trying to get me into Metropolis for an MRI. He thinks Smallville has rattled my brains."

"Now, why would he think that?"

"I keep insisting on these horribly ethical business practices at the plant. He thinks you're a bad influence me."

"Funny, that's just what my parents say about *you*."

Shared laughter, and they both fell to their food, finishing quickly. Lex tossed some bills on the table and ignored Clark's protests. "If I can't take my best friend out to breakfast once in awhile, what good is it being filthy rich?"

Best friend. Lex had said Clark was his best friend... Clark suddenly felt like he'd be spending the entire day grinning like an idiot, instead of moping. He let himself be led outside, and spotted the perfect comeback.

"Um... Ferrari?"

Lex pressed the button on to disarm and unlock the car in question. "Heh, true. Still. Best you save your money."

"Yeah, ok... Lex?" Clark asked as they got inside.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say... thanks. You really are my best friend, and it means a lot to me that you're being so cool about this." Clark was looking down shyly, hands clasped loosely in his lap.

Lex turned to him, putting the car in neutral and giving Clark his full attention. He laid a hand on Clark's knee, and the touch burned, distracting and betraying. The hands in Clark's lap developed a concealing purpose, and he wondered how he'd ever get out of the car.

"You're my best friend, too, Clark. You're the first real friend I've had, and I value that more than a hundred Ferraris." The hand on Clark's knee circled soothingly. Maddeningly. Lex smiled, and it was bright and blinding and Clark started to feel like his brain was coming apart. "I'm glad you trusted me with this, and I'm going to do everything I can to live up to that trust."

Lex turned away, shifted into reverse, and pulled out while Clark tried to gather up his scattered thoughts.

"Even if it means pissing off my father," Lex added as they pulled out onto the street. "Now, let's get you to school on time."

The rest of the short drive was made in silence, Lex concentrating on driving and Clark trying to will his erection to subside. He thought of Lana. They pulled up to the school, and Clark got out.

He leaned into the open door and said, "Thanks, Lex. Just... thanks."

Lex smiled, the sincerity almost painful for its newness. "You're always welcome, Clark. Always. See you at seven?"

Clark smiled back, letting the newfound lightness inside him shine through. "Yeah."

He closed the door, and steeled himself to face the day.

* * *

The sun came out for part of the day, filtering through classroom blinds to stripe the room with shadow. Clark stared off into space a lot, and tried to organize his thoughts into questions he wanted to ask, questions he needed to ask, and questions he really just had to pray he wouldn't blurt out when he was over at Lex's tonight.

He knew this conversation was going to be weird for both of them, best friends or not, and he didn't want to drive away the one person who really seemed to understand with unwanted advances. He wasn't even sure he'd be able to follow through on anything, anyway. Between his nightmares and his nerves, well... Performance anxiety took on a whole new meaning.

Chloe kept shooting him quizzical looks, and he tried to keep his note taking relevant to class and not his thoughts. Every once in awhile he'd look down and see that he'd written something like "In the eighteen hundreds 'Liberalism' was a philosophy which supported individual freedom, political changes, and social reform. Does it hurt the first time you do it, like it's supposed to for girls?"

He just had to pray she wouldn't ask to borrow his notes. He just barely managed to keep from embarrassing himself in the locker room, and only then by feigning a sprained ankle that kept him from showering until after everyone had left, and made him miss the first half of biology. He had to keep remembering to limp a little, but he hoped that the upcoming weekend would give a plausible excuse for his ankle to have 'healed'.

When school let out he was glad to get away, but left adrift. It was barely three o'clock, and Lex was busy until seven. After a quick phone call to his parents, he decided to go hide out at the Beanery and organize those scattered non-notes into a real serious set of questions for his friend. Lex would probably raise his eyebrow and give him one of those *looks* when he saw the neatly organized list that resulted from 4 hours with nothing but bad coffee and gay sex to occupy his mind, but it was worth it.

He was almost sure he'd be able to keep from asking any of the questions on the forbidden list. He'd kept that one at the back, stared at it and memorized it. It started with "What do you like to do with men?" and went downhill from there.

Way downhill.

He'd ended up using the last of his cold coffee as a shocking sensory experience just so he could walk out of the Beanery without embarrassing himself. Nothing like a huge mouthful of cold, bitter sludge to ruin even the most persistent arousal. He paid the waitress, reflecting on how spoiled Lex had made him in that regard, and in many others.

Lex did little things for him that somehow managed to slip under the radar, like buying everyone's coffee whenever they met up. Like just being there when Clark needed someone he could trust with the darker, weirder aspects of his life; even to the point of understanding when Clark couldn't always tell him the darkest, weirdest parts. Like taking him out to breakfast on the saddest morning he could remember having in a long time, pulling both confession and depression right out of him just by being there, leaving light where there had been nothing but heavy greyness.

Clark hurried off to his best friend's house, more determined than ever to force his willful libido to behave. Even if they were going to spend an entire evening talking about things he'd rather be experiencing. With Lex. Clark was just finally starting to realize just how precious their friendship was, and he wasn't about to lose it.

Even if all he really wanted to do tonight was see how many of the positions he'd found on the 'net really felt as good as they looked.

There was something oddly liberating about being out to his parents, to Lex. He still couldn't talk to Chloe, Pete or Lana about things, but he was used to hiding secrets from them, and everyone else. Just knowing that at least one of those secrets was now shared...

Clark arrived at the door, for once deciding to knock. After all, it was a special occasion.

continued in Out, Chapter 2: Gay Sex 101